The Derby & Joan Club Riot
Sitting in this cell
with deep regret
after a night
I will never forget.
With thirty others
pensioners one and all
our night of excitement
the yearly Derby & Joan Club ball.
Arrived at seven
Me and the wife
looking for laughter
all we got was strife.
All started happily
everyone was on form
Apple punch flowed freely
as was generally the norm.
However, jealousies were evident
between some of the wives
How a few single men
could cause such a surprise.
Old Mrs Bailey, a vicious old hag
not nice at all, looks long lost
got upset at remarks made
so revenge at all cost.
Put Gin in the punch
with Vodka & Wine
suddenly lots of laughter
this was not a very good sign.
music was playing
Dance floor was full
women swirling, dresses full blown
the men just on the pull.
Old Mrs Brown, not used to strong drink
flailing about as the light flickers
let it all hang out, she was having a ball
fell on her arse, showing her bright red knickers
A scream from the bandstand
come help me please
old Mrs Riley
was down on her knees
The drink had awoken
desires long forgotten
tried to debag the singer
oh dear! How rotten.
Old Mrs Smith, revenge on her mind
picked up a custard pie, she had spied with one eye
spotting Mr Davies
taking good aim, she let it fly.
He ducked saw it coming
the vicar not so fast
caught it smack in the face
all there were aghast.
A punch up ensued
I couldn’t believe my eyes
all these demure old ladies
throwing around these pies.
Fisticuffs abounded
all were involved it strived
someone dialled 999
the police then arrived.
The total disbelief
on Sergeant Brown’s face
women were fighting
all over the place.
Chuck them in the wagon
he yelled with great force
off to the cells, we’ll arrest them all
the Judge can deal with it as a matter of course.
On Sunday the vicar
a bit worse for wear
went to his pulpit
high in the air.
The disgusting behaviour
at the Derby & Joan
had caused him concern
and boy did he moan.
YOGI
Yogi is a Newfoundland dog
a big black cuddle chap
he’s rather large, 150lb or so
his size means he cannot sit on your lap.
With majestic head and four webbed feet
a gentle giant of a friend
very loving and gracious
true to the very end.
His temperament is gentle
but likes to play a while
and although his is so big and strong
he will still make you beam a smile.
Affectionate to all around him
as a watchdog, he’s pretty smart
once you’ve set your eyes on him
you will never want to be apart.
He can live to almost fifteen years
his life is full of fun
he’ll take you for many walks
and will certainly make you run.
Standing very close to two foot six
he’s certainly a sight
his bark is rather loud and deep
and gives unwelcome visitors a fright.
A docile gentle type is he
the friendliest type of dog
when he bounds around the room
the whole area he seems to hog.
He likes to swim down at the sea
a lifesaver to boot
when he’s saving those out for a swim
it really is a hoot.
It’s his natural instinct
protective to the end
he really is a champion
the lovingest kind of friend
Marie and Leroy
Marie works in the Last Chance Saloon
working to midnight, starting at noon
all the patrons know her by name
that special waitress is her claim to fame.
With a soft smile that brightens the day
a good sense of humour, come what may
long blonde hair tied up in a bun
a body to match that’s just built for fun.
A widow at thirty, still in her prime
she doesn’t worry, she still has time
always being chatted up she takes no mind
she hasn’t met anyone she thinks is her kind.
But one day it changed, as a matter of course
in walked Leroy, a rancher, and his horse
six foot and handsome but quiet shy
walked in alone, Marie wondered why.
Sat in the corner, ordered a meal
to Marie he definitely looked the real deal
this man was different chatted all night
Marie was smitten knew he was right.
A strong craggy face been out in the sun
charming blue eyes so full of fun
he raised the courage to ask her out on a date
“Ok” said Marie but can’t stay out late.
Thirty years later a lifetime, it seems
her marriage to Leroy
was the stuff made of dreams
six children later, the love was the same
never regretted taking his name.
Hard working rancher from dawn to dusk
always came home covered in dust
Marie always waited with baited breath
for her man to return for a night full of lust.
The love still kindles in both their lives
Marie a true tribute to rancher’s wives
Leroy always husband, lover and friend
Marie and Leroy together to the end.